Los Andes

The 'Mormon' shirts

It seems that a majority of our friends are completely stumped by the button-down dress shirts we are wearing most days. Many of you have asked what these shirts are all about, and some have questioned how I can be wearing such a nice shirt on an expedition when I could hardly ever be bothered to wear such exquisite threads to work...

I guess it is surprising to see, especially when we are all accustomed to seeing adverts of outdoor ´adventurers´ clad in the latest in high-performance textile fashion. After all, what hardened mountaineer would be caught in a photo without sporting the latest North Face and Mountain Hardwear garments? And what self-respecting climber would be immortalised on film without the most cutting edge Black Diamond equipment?

And what type of long-distance cyclist would allow himself to be photographed without the coolest skin-tight Lycra cycling jersey -- especially one embroidered with loads of logos for various cycling companies?

The answer is pretty simple: a cyclist who is actually DOING this type of trip. For the past two weeks, we have been cycling through remote, high-altitude desert, where the temperature stays above 45 Celsius for most of the day. In the desert, at minimum altitudes of 2,000 metres, the sun is searingly hot and the temperatures are relentless. Apart from the heat and the ever-present danger of dehydration, the sun can burn even the most pigmented person into a crisp in a matter of minutes. Not only would this be excruciatingly painful, but it would also result in the sapping of all the energy reserves we need to propel ourselves across these barren, unforgiving landscapes.

So we certainly don´t resemble the models in outdoor adventure magazine adverts, but then again most of those batty boys probably spend more time in expensive gyms than they do in true wilderness areas. Meanwhile, we´re cycling over some of the world´s highest passes and enjoying every minute of it, regardless of how odd we might look.

But these shirts are only good for extremely hot desert conditions, because with the collar up they can keep the sun off most of our torsos, and with the dry kind of heat of arid regions our sweat tends to evaporate so the shirts don´t get very wet. Still, the best part about these shirts is that you can fasten only one or two buttons in the front and your stomach and chest (which are not facing the sun when you are leaning over the handlebars) can catch most of the draft that is created when you cycle.

If the world´s major cycling companies knew anything about expedition cycling, they would market these kinds of shirts, make them more breathable and charge a premium for them. But these companies actually know sweet FA about extreme cycling, and anyway it doesn´t make much business sense for them to make such things for what would be such a tiny market of expedition cyclists. Better to sell overpriced, skin-tight lycra tops, coated in decals of their affiliate companies, to the flabby weekend warriors that want to look the part on their one-hour Sunday afternoon cruises....

There is a drawback to wearing these shirts in South America, however: when we were wearing white colours (which are the coolest), many Chileans and Argentines thought we were a couple of mad Mormons cycling through the desert -- I suppose attempting to convert all of the poor people of the desert pueblitos to the Church of Latter-Day Saints. In an attempt to distinguish ourselves from this objectionable crowd of proselytising nutters, we have jettisoned the white shirts in favour of tan (Brice) and white with blue checks (Scott). And every time we meet villagers, we start the conversation by telling them ´nosotros no somos Mormones´!

Posted by Brice at March 20, 2005 08:21 PM